Like Fine Wine

I just had a birthday. Like, yesterday. I won’t say how old I am, but let’s just say that I now have to check off a different age box on some demographic questionnaires.

I find it so interesting how your perspective on life and attitude about the things and people around you change as you get older. For many people (not all), the kinds of people you hang out with change, your ideas on life change, your self-image changes, and (like it or not) your body changes. No one is exempt from that last one. Age shows no discrimination or mercy.

And what’s more, the people around you change how they are with you. This can be good or bad. I don’t know if it’s a direct result of your own metamorphosis or something that just happens with time.

You know the whole “cougar” phenomenon? There’s a reason for that. Women who enter into that zone known generically as “middle age” are different than younger women. They’ve been through stuff, seen things, and dealt with many different people. By that stage in their lives, they have found themselves, discovered their strengths, and learned how to handle their weaknesses, or at least identified them.pouring wine

There’s also the sexual aspects of a middle-aged women—her years of experience have presumably made her more comfortable and in-tune with her body and, therefore, a better sexual partner. Physically, women often “grow into their looks.” I have found that this has happened to me. I never got much attention when I was a teenager; then, as I traversed my 20s and 30s, I seemed to appeal to more and more people. Then I turned 40 and…well, I’m not quite sure what happened but I suddenly found myself receiving attention from both men and women. Lots of it on a regular basis. I spent so many years considering myself unattractive (thanks to my childhood bullies who called me fat and ugly) that when I did start receiving compliments as an adult, I simply didn’t believe them. I’m at a point now where I’m willing to accept the compliments, even if I don’t understand them. I guess like fine wine, I’ve improved. (I could also say like fine cheese, but considering its stinky nature, I’ll just stick with the wine metaphor.)

Of course, I’m speaking generally. There are some people who don’t change much (although, unless you live in a remote area with very little outside contact, I don’t see how this is possible). Sadly, there are also women who are broken down by life (men, too). I feel sorry for those people because we only get one life (unless you believe in reincarnation, but that’s a whole other bag of monkeys).

I’m only talking about this because birthdays make me think, and they bring to the fore of my mind issues that I’ve been grappling with. I like to think that I’m entering the better part of my life, even if my body disagrees. I hope that’s the case.

Into the Next

The members of my writer’s group are under the impression that I have a following.

That’s very sweet of them to think that, but it’s really not all that big.

Unless you’re one of the lucky few who are “overnight successes,” it takes years to build an audience. I put quote marks around that because even so-called overnight successes usually work at it for a while before they make it big. What I’m talking about when I say overnight success is when someone releases something (which could have taken them years and years to accomplish) and they get an immediate huge following.

Anyway, I’m nowhere near that. I’ve been working the last few years on building my audience and it’s slow progress. A lot of work goes into building an audience: blogging, Facebooking, Tweeting, attending and/or speaking/presenting to conferences, readings, and other events, doing interviews and online chats, and writing. Lots and lots of writing. Taking on other projects gets your name out there, too. Volunteering at a conference or other event gets you known in those circles, as does editing work.AllYouCanEat-600x914

As this year starts winding down, I’m feeling the disappointment of not having accomplished all that I wanted to, but I’m also proud of all that I have accomplished. I co-edited All You Can Eat and Unwrap These Presents (which I’m told will be available in late October). I co-wrote, along with my writer’s group cohorts, Hunger: Stories of Desire, Discovery, and Dissatisfaction, and contributed a story to Wicked Things, which will also be out in October.


Unwrap These PresentsThe disappointment part comes from the fact that I spent about 8 months writing and revising a novella, which was to be the first in a series, only to come to the conclusion that it’s riddled with problems and I will probably have to start from scratch. It’s heartbreaking to realize that something that you’ve worked so hard on doesn’t work. It’s like having a child for whom you’ve sacrificed and given everything to, and then they decide to hold up a liquor store and go to prison for a few years.

You wonder, what did I do wrong? What could I have done to prevent this? The answer, of course, is probably nothing. As long as you didn’t abuse or neglect them in some way, they chose their own path to take.

The whole thing has been so devastating for me that I’ve been unable to write anything for a several weeks now. I feel paralyzed, unable to even think about the next book, chapter, scene, or even sentence. Work on book two in the series came to a screeching halt, and I sometimes have doubts that I will be able to pick up the novella and work on it ever again.

The only thing you can do as the parent of a child who’s gone astray is to try and set them on a better path. That’s what I’m going to try and do. It hurts because I care for my child—I love its quirks and personality and I don’t really want to change it. But I have to. It makes me kind of nervous to say that because many homophobic parents would use that argument to put their gay kinds in a conversion camp, but then, I’m not really talking about a human being, am I?

This is not going to happen before the end of the year. I’d been hoping that I would get it out in October; now it looks like it won’t be until next spring, if I’m lucky. In the meantime, I’ll keep doing other things. Hopefully, I’ll get some more readers interested in my work and those who already are will come find me in the spring.

Hunger for Summer

Hunger NOW! I mean the anthology!

It’s here!! The anthology that my writer’s group, The Penheads, put together is finally published and available for Kindle. I’m so happy and excited about this because it’s been so long in the making. Well, it feels like a long time. We all worked so hard on it and we’re finally enjoying the fruits of our labor. (I guess I should’ve titled this post “Hunger for End of Summer.”)

Hunger: Stories of Desire, Discovery, and Dissatisfaction is a collectionHUNGER COVER FINAL of tales that home in on the various faces of hunger. What does hunger mean to you? Is it hunger for acceptance? Hunger for knowledge? Hunger for love? Physical hunger for food? Whatever it is, you’ll probably find a story here that addresses that concept. It’s available HERE. What a way to ring out the summer!

Speaking of summer…

I can’t believe that summer’s over already. What the hell? One minute, I’m packing up the snow boots and uncovering the A/C, and the next, I’m boxing up the sandals and wrapping up the A/C like a package headed to a remote village in the Congo.

And it seems that the snow boots enjoy a much longer life out in the open than do the sandals. But, of course, I live in the Mid-Atlantic region where this is a problem. For all you lucky people living in warmer climes, good for you.

At the beginning of every summer, I tell myself that I’m going to get outside and enjoy it more. Inevitably, I always have so much to do that it simply doesn’t happen. Then, the season starts winding down, kids start filling up the trains again, and I defy you to find a short-sleeved top among all the sweaters and turtlenecks in the stores. And once again, the reality slaps me in the face.

What that then comes around to is . . . all the projects I have to complete before the end of the year! Ack! Somebody speeds up the clock right around this time of year, anxious for New Year’s Eve, I guess. For those of us with deadlines, it gets to be insane.

Okay, calm blue ocean, calm blue ocean, calm blue ocean. Those of you who have begun to panic, say it with me.

I have to remember that things will get done and freaking out doesn’t get them done any faster. Yes, the summer is over, but autumn, which is my favorite time of year, inspires a lot. From Halloween to delicious food to pumpkins and colors, autumn inspiration comes in many forms.

And to that I say: Summer, I will miss you. But, autumn, I will kiss you.

Some Roads

I am totally tickled to announce that All You Can Eat is now available as an epub!AllYouCanEat-600x914 Click HERE for Kindle.

I’m really happy with the way it turned out. It’s hot, it’s sexy, it’s cute, it’s retro, it’s awesome.

In the upcoming holiday anthology from Ylva Publishing, Unwrap These Presents, I have a short story called “Elfin Magic” about a woman who does seasonal work as an elf in a department store (think: Macy’s). She is disillusioned with Christmas and wonders how she got to this place in her life, dressing up in a stupid elf costume, upselling photograph packages to sentimental parents whose kids just sat with Santa.Unwrap These Presents

I know whereof I speak—I was a Macy’s elf in Santaland for a few days. I quickly realized that this was something I simply didn’t and couldn’t do, so I quit. (I would have volunteered to work the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade if they didn’t expect people to be there at 6 a.m. I would have had to be on the train at 5 a.m. on a cold November morning for absolutely no compensation, and that simply wasn’t going to happen.)

But working there, I keenly felt the grip of commercialism. It was my job to try and get people to order bigger (i.e., more expensive) photo packages, as well as other photo mementos: tree ornaments, cubes, figurines, etc. I just didn’t have it in me.

But the question the character asks herself is one that’s been foremost on my mind lately: how did I get here? You hear about people who lay out their plans and they follow that road to the destination they planned. Of course, everyone has bumps along the way, unexpected occurrences in their lives, but some people seem to end up where they wanted or expected to be.

My whole life has been one surprise after another. The turns I had no intention to make were the ones I made, and now I’m at the middle point of my wondering: How did I get here? It’s not really a lamentation. It’s more about bewilderment. Like, really—how did all of this happen? I know that life has many twists and turns, but you never see the hairpin turns coming, and you never expect the cliff drops. But many people (perhaps most?) don’t expect the windfalls either—the wins, the pot of gold, the Emerald City at the end of the road.

It would be nice if some issues had answers, but for the most part, we go through life never really knowing why things happen the way they do, both the good and the bad. I try to believe that the turns I’ve taken along the road led me to where I needed to be for whatever reason. Some people “see” the purpose of those turns. I can’t say that I ever do. Except that maybe if I had not taken a particular job in 1992, I would not have met my writer’s group, and I probably would not have gotten as far in my fiction writing as I have. They’ve been priceless to me in that regard, and I don’t know what I would have done without them all these years. In fact, my group, The Penheads, are about to release our first collaborative project. Hunger: Stories of Desire, Discovery, and Dissatisfaction will be available on Kindle very soon.

Maybe there are reasons for everything.

Eat Your Heart Out Panel – Mary’s Recipes

R.G. Emanuelle:

Mary Griggs whipped something up for our “Eat Your Heart Out” panel at GCLS. Here it is!

Originally posted on Mouth Brothels:

At the Golden Crown Literary Society’s Annual Conference in Portland, Oregon I was on a panel called Eat Your Heart Out – Writing about Food that was moderated by the funny and fabulous Lynn Ames. My fellow panelists were  Karin Kallmaker, Georgia Beers and R.G. Emanuelle, all of whom write deliciously about food. Our panel was quite fun, even though I was bracketed by two vegetarians!

eat your heart panel long

Photo credit – Ann de Mooij

The audience had an opportunity to write down a protein, a vegetable and an ‘other’ for the panelists to draw from and then to make a meal after returning home. I choose lamb, eggplant and peanut butter. Much, much better than RG’s gummi bears or Karin’s herring and asparagus!

I decided to go for Moussaka Burgers with Peanut Butter Ice Cream for dessert. Classic Greek moussaka layers eggplant with a spiced mixed meat mixture…

View original 392 more words

Eat Your Heart Out Panel: My Recipe

IMG_3188At GCLS, I sat on a panel called “Eat Your Heart Out,” which was about writing about food in fiction. The panel included Karin Kallmaker, Georgia Beers, and Mary Griggs, and was moderated by Lynn Ames.

Lynn asked for suggestions on how ot make the panel interesting and fun for the audience. I suggested that we make it a truly audience participation session and have everyone write down ingredient ideas.

Prior to the session, I asked the concierge at the front desk of the hotel to acquire 3 bowls and some paper for me. This was an ordeal in and of itself. Bless their hearts, they were trying to be helpful and accommodating and I give them props for that. But all I wanted was 3 bowls and paper and it was like a game of Pictionary trying to explain what I wanted. It went from scratch paper to white-boards. I finally had to just ask for paper out of their printer. As for the bowls, what they brought me were big enough to do some apple bobbing.

Anyway, I set the bowls up on the counter (it was through sheer luck that this particular room had a counter!). Next to the bowls, I put pieces of paper, which ended up getting passed around. Each bowl was designated for a specific food group: protein, veggie, and other. (Okay, that last one isn’t a food group.)

At the end of the session, the four of us on the panel picked one paper out of each bowl and we had to come up with a recipe using those ingredients. This is what we got:

Georgia Beers got bacon, artichokes, and pasta. (Rigged!)
Mary Griggs got lamb, eggplant, and peanut butter.
Karin Kallmaker got herring, asparagus, and something from the “other” category that I don’t recall. She has my sympathy.

I picked tempeh, kale, and gummie bears. And, per the rules of the game, I used all my ingredients. I came up with Marinated Tempeh, Quinoa with Kale Pesto, and Gummie Bear Gastrique. A gastrique is a sauce that’s made from sugar and vinegar and is then usually flavored with other ingredients. Gummie bear gastrique is intense, so go easy on it. And I would stick to red, orange, yellow, and white (no green or blue, or you’ll get a funny color). And, yes, that’s a little gummie bear sitting on top of the quinoa.

Enjoy! :-)


8 oz. tempeh
3 cloves garlic, smashed
¼ cup olive oil
1 tablespoon soy sauce

½ quinoa, rinsed
1 small bunch kale, stems removed
2 garlic cloves, chopped
1 teaspoon sea salt
2 tablespoons extra virgin olive oil

½ cup gummie bears
¼ cup red wine vinegar

1. Place tempeh and garlic in a shallow dish. Mix 2 tablespoons olive oil and soy sauce and pour it over the tempeh; cover and let marinate for ½ hour to 2 hours. Remove tempeh from marinade. Cut into diagonal slices and let sit in marinade another 15 minutes, turning them over a couple of times. Meanwhile, make quinoa, pesto, and gastrique.IMAG2009

2. Quinoa: Bring 1 cup water to a boil in a small pot; add quinoa and simmer over low heat until cooked (should be translucent and tender). If it’s cooked before water is absorbed, drain in a mesh strainer. Place in a bowl.


3. Make pesto: Place kale, garlic, and salt in a food processor or blender. Start processing; slowly pour in olive oil through the feed tube. Process until fairly smooth. Taste for seasoning. Add to quinoa and mix well.


4. Gastrique: Place gummie bears in a small pot (preferably nonstick). Cook over medium-low heat, stirring occasionally, until melted. Add vinegar and continue cooking until thick, about 15 minutes.IMAG2018

5. Heat remaining 2 tablespoons oil (from tempeh ingredients) in a skillet; add tempeh slices and cook over medium heat, turning over once, until browned on both sides. Transfer to a plate with paper towels.


7. Place quinoa on 2 plates (you can use a cookie ring, like I did, or not). Place half the tempeh on one plate, the other half on the other plate.

8. Drizzle the gastrique over the tempeh. Go easy on the gastrique—a little goes a long way.

Makes 2 servings.IMG_3189


All You Can Eat Reveal

Andi Marquette and I are wrapping up our review of All You Can Eat: A Buffet of Lesbian Romance & Erotica. The layout is fabulous and seeing the stories within the design was really exciting. And in reading the stories again in the typeset stage reminded me of what a really great collection of stories we have. AllYouCanEat-600x914

There’s no real money to be made from anthologies and it’s a lot of work. And if you are not the organized type, it would be a really challenging project. Doing an anthology is something that you really want to do—because you love anthologies, because you like short stories, because you’re interested in the theme or subject matter. And when you mold and shape and grow your project, it’s an amazing feeling.

If you haven’t seen the discussions about AYCE, all the stories involve food in some way, either directly or as a vehicle, for a romantic and/or erotic romp. Here is the first reveal of the table of contents:



 “Fresh Fruit” by Ashley Bartlett
“The Luscious Tarte Aux Fraises” by Historia
“Whining and Dining” by Jae
“Burn” by Rebekah Weatherspoon


“Tomato Lady” by Cheyenne Blue
“East Meets West” by Karis Walsh
“Dessert Platter” by Victoria Oldham
“Appetizing” by Cheri Crystal
“Sugar and ’Shine” by Andi Marquette


“Vanilla Extract” by Jove Belle
“Smorgasbord” by R.G. Emanuelle
“Crème Brûlée” by Sacchi Green
“Turn the Tables” by Yvonne Heidt

As you can see, we have an amazing line-up of writers and a wide array of stories. There’s something here for all tastes.

I am now counting down to release time, which is still a little vague but will be some time in August. I can’t wait to have a print copy in my hands. Andi and I worked very hard with our cover designer to get our cover to be exactly what we had envisioned—and she did an awesome job in bringing it to fruition. We also made very specific requests to our interior designer to carry our theme through the book.

Soon it will be time to enjoy the fruits of our labor (no pun intended), and I think it will be one of the best projects I’ve been involved in.