On Cock-Eyed Optimism

My friend Jill said I should write about her, so I am.

Jill just got a full-time job. So? you ask. Well, it’s like this. She went through a very difficult year of divorcing her partner, inauspiciously selling her home, moving to another state, moving back, discovering that the support of her family that she was expecting and relying upon wasn’t really there, and serious financial struggles working at a low-paying job with no benefits. A little over a year later, she finds herself in a much better place, physically, mentally, emotionally, and financially.

The reason I’m telling her story is because throughout this demoralizing year she had, she maintained faith in herself and the belief that the Universe would send her down the road to where she needed to be. Her faith wavered every now and then, but not for long. She shed plenty of tears, but then blew her nose and kept going. Through it all, she believed that it would all work out. In her own words, she’s a cock-eyed optimist.

And she’s been on a mission to turn me into an optimist as well, cock-eyed or otherwise. It might shock her to know that I’m actually in a much more positive frame of mind than I used to be, but I still have a ways to go. I come from a family of glass-half-empty kind of people and it’s hard to break out of that.

But I’ve made some changes in my life and I’ve taken some chances doing things that I never would have done before. I charge forth and do things, even if deep down I feel that I will fail. Jill, of course, would not see those times as failures but as lessons to learn along the journey.

I also have to acknowledge that had it not been for another person in my life, I would not even have made those changes or attempted those new experiences that would have terrified me in the past. Well, they still terrified me, but I didn’t let that stop me. This person has pushed and pushed me toward the edge of the pool until I finally dipped my toe in, then my foot, then my entire lower half. I haven’t quite yet dunked my head, but I’m working on it. I have both of these people to thank for not ending up in the dark abyss of depression and negativity. Between the two of them, I might just get baptized yet and see the light.