First, as this post falls on Valentine’s Day, I want to wish all the love birds out there a happy, romantic day and an even better evening. Cherish the one you love and treat her the way she deserves to be treated, the way you want to be treated. A little compassion, some respect, and a pinch of patience make for a great relationship.
Now, onto other things.
In a recent therapy session, my therapist told me that I always seem to be looking for a fight, that I’m in constant fight mode.
I didn’t disagree. In fact, I knew that already. I don’t know if it’s because I live in New York City and have to practically get into knock-down drag-outs for parking spots. Or because I was bullied as a child and always had to defend myself. Or because I’ve had to fight for everything I’ve ever wanted, including respect and recognition.
So, do I keep fighting or not? There are two factions in this debate.
- Those who say to keep fighting will say that it’s the only way to get what you want. No one will hand you anything in life. If you don’t fight, people will walk all over you. For every scrap of food, there are many, many hungry people who want it and you need to show your strength and dominance. Survival of the fittest. Life is too short to squander it. Do not go gently into that good night. Go down fighting.
- Those who say to stop fighting, will say that life is too short to spend it fighting. After all that fighting, you still might not get what you want, and all you’ll end up with is wounds and scars. And even if you do get what you want, you might be too tired from the fight to enjoy it. It’s better to enjoy and appreciate what you have rather than claw and struggle for what you may never get. Quality of life and all that.
These are the 2 arguments people have made to me.
Okay, I lied. This is the battle going on in my own head. To make things worse, I’m a Libra. The scales. Two sides constantly going up and down. I don’t make decisions easily. But at the same time, I’m extremely stubborn. When I do set my mind on something, I hang on to it like a dog hangs on to his favorite bone.
My dilemma is this: I’m tired of fighting. But there are still things I want in life that I must compete for. Both sides have points and I’m not sure which one will bring me the most peace.
Inner peace. That’s the journey I’ve embarked on, and damn if it’s not a long, long, long road to nirvana. I’ve already fallen along the way. Big ol’ rocks seem to fall at my feet, tripping me. But that’s life. The trick is to get back up again and have the courage to keep walking. No one knows what’s up ahead, and that’s the scariest part.
But I need to keep moving. I’ve stood paralyzed by the side of the road for way too long and I have lost time to make up for.
So, here’s to having good, sturdy shoes! Keep walking, my friends.