First, as this post falls on Valentine’s Day, I want to wish all the love birds out there a happy, romantic day and an even better evening. Cherish the one you love and treat her the way she deserves to be treated, the way you want to be treated. A little compassion, some respect, and a pinch of patience make for a great relationship.
Now, onto other things.
In a recent therapy session, my therapist told me that I always seem to be looking for a fight, that I’m in constant fight mode.
I didn’t disagree. In fact, I knew that already. I don’t know if it’s because I live in New York City and have to practically get into knock-down drag-outs for parking spots. Or because I was bullied as a child and always had to defend myself. Or because I’ve had to fight for everything I’ve ever wanted, including respect and recognition.
So, do I keep fighting or not? There are two factions in this debate.
- Those who say to keep fighting will say that it’s the only way to get what you want. No one will hand you anything in life. If you don’t fight, people will walk all over you. For every scrap of food, there are many, many hungry people who want it and you need to show your strength and dominance. Survival of the fittest. Life is too short to squander it. Do not go gently into that good night. Go down fighting.
- Those who say to stop fighting, will say that life is too short to spend it fighting. After all that fighting, you still might not get what you want, and all you’ll end up with is wounds and scars. And even if you do get what you want, you might be too tired from the fight to enjoy it. It’s better to enjoy and appreciate what you have rather than claw and struggle for what you may never get. Quality of life and all that.
These are the 2 arguments people have made to me.
Okay, I lied. This is the battle going on in my own head. To make things worse, I’m a Libra. The scales. Two sides constantly going up and down. I don’t make decisions easily. But at the same time, I’m extremely stubborn. When I do set my mind on something, I hang on to it like a dog hangs on to his favorite bone.
My dilemma is this: I’m tired of fighting. But there are still things I want in life that I must compete for. Both sides have points and I’m not sure which one will bring me the most peace.
Inner peace. That’s the journey I’ve embarked on, and damn if it’s not a long, long, long road to nirvana. I’ve already fallen along the way. Big ol’ rocks seem to fall at my feet, tripping me. But that’s life. The trick is to get back up again and have the courage to keep walking. No one knows what’s up ahead, and that’s the scariest part.
But I need to keep moving. I’ve stood paralyzed by the side of the road for way too long and I have lost time to make up for.
So, here’s to having good, sturdy shoes! Keep walking, my friends.
R.G. Emanuelle 
This is about you and your inner struggle. I only tell you about mine to say, “You are not alone.” I was once driven to succeed at all costs, controlling everything and everyone in my path. (I did so with a kind smile, believing I was even being a good person through all the manipulating.) I raised a family, got my degree and established a great career without the parental help that many enjoy. I fought my way there. Circumstances in my life changed and I quit fighting. I just quit period. Gradually, I’m learning that there is a time for peace and a time to fight. (Even controversial books contain wisdom.) Instead of looking at your life as though you must choose between fighting and knowing peace, try looking at smaller pieces of your days. Make little choices instead of feeling like you have to turn your world on its axis. Is this moment, this single situation, worth my energy? Will the outcome alter my course? Peace lies in being able to find balance and that is my wish for you today.
Thanks, CK. I appreciate your words of support.
Pick your battles. 🙂
The older I get, the more selective I become about those battles.
I agree with Andi about picking our battles. Any battle for your own integrity is worth the cost, though. At least for me. Keep pushing R.G. You’re not alone. Peace.
Yeah, for a long time, my M.O. has been to pick my battles. The issue has become whether or not to continue to fight the battles that I have chosen to fight. when do you raise the white flag? When do you retreat? These are the questions in my head.
Thanks, Lynette. I appreciate the words of support.
Okay, first, I am a little shy about giving any advice to someone who seems a lot more normal than I might be, but your thoughts struck chord in me.
I did 5 years of therapy so I know the issues that come up during those sessions can open you to more questions than they answer. My thought is this: I think you have an either/or answer when maybe it isn’t an either/or situation. I obviously don’t know what you are grappling with, but maybe there is a way to achieve what you want without fighting at all? I don’t mean surrender, but rather things like reason, acceptance, change of heart, or change of scenery. I learned I can get where I want to go and be who I want to be without the stress of putting myself through the wringer. You seem like an awful smart lady and you seem like someone who has a lot of supportive and caring people rooting for her. Maybe half your battle is already won.
Happy Valentine’s Day to you.
I don’t know what gave you the idea that I’m anywhere near normal! 😛 (Although, what IS normal, anyway?)
You make a good point, Val. I guess the challenge there is figuring out HOW to get what you want without fighting. Believe me, that’s a road I’m much prefer.
Thanks. 😉